It is one of those celebrity crushes.
That is what I keep telling them. You know, those stupid and completely out there crushes where you picture yourself with whomever it may be. It doesn’t even have to be the intimate sexual shit, just the little things. A slight bump of the hand moves with the fingers slowly and steadily moving on top of one another, tangling in a over-under pattern. Maybe just having them close enough to smell their sickly sweet breath with hints of licked cigarettes on their tongue. Close enough to feel them shake with laughter over a silly little joke, to see their smiling eyes. It’s stupid, pathetic, a little girls wet dream but sometimes you just have to shout at the top of your lungs and say fuck it, knowing you will never be close enough to them where those little moments could become true. It is justifiable to want something you cannot have. It is possible to like someone whom is emotional unavailable, unstable or physically unavailable. It just isn’t fair when those people seem to be considered perfection in your eyes. And I know you are going to say, nobody is perfect and all that bullshit but your definition of perfection can be different from mine. Workaholics, cigarette smokers, immature children, it doesn’t matter. Same level of sense of humor and maturity- he could make me laugh, good with his hands, keen sense of direction in life and hell he even likes the same books as I do. But somewhere between here and there is a line I cannot cross. Somehow we meet this person and somehow it turns out to be that you are tossed into fuckville on your first day because they aren’t available or they probably see you as some stupid kid who hasn’t worked out in the real world yet but at these amusement parks. I like him, this is true, but it will never work out. I know this and no so do you, but a girl can dream can’t she?
In the end, I think I somewhat got what I wanted and that was to finally feel as if you were my friend. Corny I know but I had to end it was some cliched bullshit so you’d think it was a happy ending.
“It’s funny how you never think about the women you’ve had. It’s always the ones who get away that you can’t forget.” -Chuck Palahniuk
Countless novels I have threatened to not put down but others I do not even glance at after I am done reading them. It takes a lot for me to read a book in a few days and it takes even more to read them in a few hours. Today I came into work with a smile on my face, nook in hand and told the friend that I finished the book he told me about a few days prior. He was taken aback that I finished the book in even less time than he had. I was thrilled. Ever so recently it was John Green and now Chuck Palahniuk. I finished reading Lullaby this morning, fell in love and now am reading Choke. I hope his books never end.
I am a complete book worm, and this is my life.
My house is quiet, and I don’t like it very much.
I guess I am a quietophobic and a talkoholic.
